Lawyer Civility in Digital Communications: A Cornerstone of Professionalism

For lawyers in practice today, convenient digital communication tools such as email, text messaging, instant messaging apps, social platforms (e.g., Facebook, X or LinkedIn), and virtual platforms (e.g., Teams, GoTo Meeting, or Google Meet) are indispensable. Unfortunately, along with this convenience comes the opportunity for missteps such as inadvertent, ill-conceived, or outright intentional incivility to occur. When this happens, the impact can have unintended consequences because there is a cost that comes with incivility. Over time chronic incivility can lead to fewer referrals, loss of credibility, client attrition, burnout and stress, exclusion from leadership roles, professional isolation, and the list goes on. In short, chronic incivility can and will negatively impact one’s legacy.

Here’s the thing. Understand that practicing civility is not about curtailing disagreements or tempering zealous representation. It’s about engaging others in a respectful, professional manner, even amid conflict. A common misconception is that civility equals softness. There’s no truth to this whatsoever. Civility is not a sign of weakness. Civility is a way to remain in control of the exchange, avoid distractions, and focus on the matter at hand. In short, it’s an effective way to keep your attention on what’s important.

Hopefully, this helps explain why I view civility in digital communication channels as a necessary cornerstone of professionalism. Given the prevalence of these fast, convenient, and often informally used tools, it’s far too easy for incivility to show its ugly face, particularly if the communication channel doesn’t provide the ability to hear the tone of the conversation, see anyone’s body language, or allow for an immediate response. For example, a poorly constructed message written and sent with little forethought may be wrongly perceived as being curt, dismissive, or even hostile, especially when the exchange is occurring in an adversarial setting.

I know that the choice to be civil can be hard at times. We live and work within an adversarial system. Some clients expect and others even demand the use of aggressive tactics because they believe that’s how lawyers win. Then there are the time and financial pressures that only make matters worse. And don’t get me started on the cultural realities we face daily, things like the praising of public incivility seemingly all over social media or the political polarization that is pitting neighbors against neighbors and tearing some families apart. Speaking honestly, I don’t care if it’s hard. This is another reason why I view civility as a cornerstone of our profession. If it were easy, it wouldn’t be such a problem.

I invite you to think about it from this perspective. Ask yourself what can be built on a foundation of civility. As I see it, credibility, a strong reputation, financial success, good health, collaborative relationships, leadership opportunities, and respect from one’s peers, just for starters. Clearly, the effort is worth it. The only challenge is in figuring out how to get there and then staying on course.

Let me start by addressing the outright intentional incivility problem. If that’s your game, all I can say is stop, just stop. It serves no one. Choose a more productive path. With that out of the way, let me address the inadvertent and/or ill-conceived incivility problem. Here are a few ideas that might help.

1. With those clients who expect or demand the use of inappropriate aggressive tactics and behave similarly, don’t give in. Explain how this can backfire and how civility can be beneficial. For those that refuse to listen, strongly consider declining the representation because if their matter doesn’t turn out like they want, there’s a good chance they’ll blame it on you. Should that happen, don’t be surprised when this unhappy client hires some other bulldog lawyer to go after you.
2. Of course, you will encounter uncivil lawyers from time to time. When you do, don’t take the bait. All you accomplish by doing so is to confirm that they have some control over your behavior. Take the high road. Make a choice to remain composed and stay in control. Those who witness the exchange will take note. Situations like this are where reputations are strengthened or weakened based upon one’s behavior.
3. It’s so easy for something to be misinterpreted in an email or text message. Before you hit send, ask yourself if you would say this in person. If not, revise. Also, be intentional with what you are writing. Impulsive responses are just asking for trouble. Draft your message, take a breath and try to read it with fresh eyes. Make sure your tone is clear, avoid sarcasm, and NO YELLING! If this idea proves tough for you to master, consider the use of delayed sends so you have one last chance to stop something that shouldn’t go out from going out.
4. Here’s an easy one. No venting about clients, judges, or opposing counsel on any social platforms. Ethical rules aside, such comments are too easily viewed as unprofessional or prejudicial. Yes, you may feel better in the short term, but this short-lived feeling will often come with a cost.
5. Set boundaries. Responding to a text message from an upset client at 3 in the morning or trying to respond to email as quickly as you can just to get it out of the way aren’t good choices. Set clear expectations, particularly with clients, as to when they can expect a response to any type of communication and then stick to it. This is about making sure you have the time to focus and gather your thoughts.
6. Never lose sight of your common sense. The use of hostile, demeaning, and humiliating language or speaking with an intent to mislead, mischaracterize, or lie is simply unacceptable. Focus instead on clarity, empathy, respect, and thoughtful brevity as you consider what you wish to say.
7. If video is in use, dress and act the part because those who are listening can’t help but to allow what they see to impact what they hear as they draw their conclusions about what you said. This is just human nature. The less you care about how you present, the less others care about what you have to say.
8. And perhaps most importantly, prioritize self-care. The more tired, stressed, overworked, or lonely one becomes, the easier it is for incivility to rear its ugly head.